10 Core Reasons People Get Divorced

Carrie Sue Doxsee, J.D.
6 min readApr 6, 2021


Is your marriage on this list?

What do I do if I am on the list?

As an attorney who has been practicing for 25+ years, I have found that most people coming into my office for a divorce fits into a variation of one of the following reasons.

· I just don’t love my Spouse anymore. We’ve just drifted apart… not spending time together.

· Have not had sex in forever.

· My Spouse is cheating.

· We fight all the time and I can’t take it.

· My Spouse is abusive.

· My Spouse is an alcoholic/ drug addict and it is just not healthy for my kids.

· My Spouse has mental health issues and, although I love them, they won’t take their meds and it is making my life hell.

· It is starting to get ugly and I need to move on to a new life.

· I have tried to fix it, but my Spouse does not see the problem. I want counseling but they won’t agree to go.

· Financial Stress/ My Spouse is financially irresponsible and I can’t let them continue to drag me down.

Having been through my own divorce, I know that just seeing yourself in one of these categories is not necessarily enough to make the decision to file for divorce… sometimes you have been in that category so long it is absolutely the reason to file- the quicker the better.

So how do I decide if I should file for divorce or not?

On the fence about filing for divorce?

The truth is, reading an article is not going to magically help you make this decision. You will know when it is time- trust me. However, I guarantee you will say that you wished you had done it sooner. If making this decision is completely paralyzing you… you are so heartbroken that you are not in a great head space… and it is your decision (ie your Spouse has not filed yet), then you might not quite be ready. If it is because you are not financially ready… this might not be the roadblock you think. If your Spouse is super distant and starting to get mean, well… hate to break it to you, but they are thinking about divorce too.

What if I really don’t want a divorce but don’t know how to fix my marriage?

I am working on a great publication… “Reconcile Or Move On”. If you would like to receive a copy when it is finished, jump over to https://divorceinkc.com/reconcile-or-move-on-optin

There are two routes here…

  1. Go to counseling.
  2. Work on yourself.

The problem for most people is that there Spouse is probably not going to agree to go to marriage counseling. So you can go by yourself, which might not seem to sound all that helpful, or you can throw your hands up in the air.

If you want to work on yourself, then I suggest that you check out my mentor Stacey Martino… she has been in your shoes and by working on herself, she saved her marriage. Now she helps other people save their marriage and it all starts with you, on your own, investing in the Spouse you want to be. You can check it out at https://relationshipdevelopment.org/about/ .

Stacey and Paul Martino are on a mission to empower people to get the Unshakable Love and Unleashed Passion they want in their relationship…even if their partner REFUSES to change!

What if I am seriously thinking about divorce? What do I do next?

If you are seriously thinking about divorce, you probably want to AVOID common mistakes people make BEFORE they file. Take my Divorce Quiz and see what type of representation you need and get some additional free resources to keep you from complicating your divorce and unintentionally increasing your attorney fees (and your headaches). Make sure you don’t overpay for your divorce!


What happens if my Spouse wants a divorce?

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to get your Spouse back. The best chance you have is to make changes in yourself. If you are not working, go ahead and get a job and work on being financially independent (or at least taking the entire burden off your Spouse). If you are not having sex, start working on emotional intimacy. If you don’t seem to have anything in common or are not spending time together, work on finding something you have in common and make time for those little things. It does not have to cost money. It just is about time. Maybe you need to look at your Spouse’s love language and work on how they like to receive love… not just how you like to show love. If your Spouse wants to go to counseling, go!

At the end of the day, what I hear from my divorce clients is that their clients just wish their Spouse would give ANY sign they may try to change. Some even file for divorce to see if there is any chance that their Spouse will see they are serious that things need to change. If nothing seems to be going on with the divorce, it could be that your Spouse is giving you a bit more time to show a willingness to work on your marriage. If the Spouse has an alcohol or drinking problem, maybe even some mental health issues, they still are willing to look for a sign that the Spouse wants to get help. In fact, most of my clients in that boat wait too long for something that is not going to happen.

Still not sure what to do?

“Knowledge is power.”

You have heard it a million times. This is another example of how true this is. When you know your rights and your options in a divorce, it gives you the strength to make decisions. You will talk to your Spouse differently and you won’t come across as needy. There will be a new air of confidence in you… even if you remain emotional about the divorce. The new of you will be more attractive to your Spouse… but even better is that you will feel better. Knowledge of how the process works means you are not as afraid of going through a divorce and it makes it easier to get to the “business” attitude that helps you settle the case quickly and hopefully remain friends. Most consultations are free so there is no reason not to get advice and be prepared if that is the direction of your marriage. If you are ready to schedule an appointment and are in Kansas City, Missouri, you can go to https://lawinkc.com/schedule-a-meeting-divorce.

Whatever the result of your marriage… you can move through this and become a better person! This should be about you becoming the person you want to be. The journey is in living the life you want. Now is the time to spend some time to think about what that life might look like. What do you want? What will your life look like in 5 years? What will make you happy? Is trading your Spouse in for someone new really going to bring the life you think you want? One thing is for certain, if you are reading this article… you need to make a change one way or the other. Don’t stay stuck!

Give what you want to get!