Can I DIY my divorce even if my Spouse and I don’t have a full agreement?

In the last few years I have heard more and more people wanting to “Do the Divorce Together”. There is only one problem… an attorney can only represent one person.

In the past, it has been common that one Spouse hires an attorney and the attorney draws up a settlement agreement which is then signed by both Parties.

Protect yourself

There is inherent danger in this style of divorce.

Over and over I have people coming into my office (or I hear them in the Courtroom) saying that the Parties had an agreement but the Judgment says something else. Once the Judgment is signed, it is hard to get it set aside and start over. The only possible way this is done is out of “fraud” which is normally the case. BUT… if you have not filed an Answer to protect yourself then calling foul does not work… you have no rights to complain if you don’t file an Answer to the Petition with the Court.

So is there a way to “Do Divorce Together”?

You have three options to do the divorce together.

1. Only one Spouse hires an attorney. As I mentioned above, this is NOT the best choice. Don’t get fooled that only spending the money on one attorney will protect you unless you are the one hiring an attorney. If your Spouse hired someone, go ahead and file an Answer to the Petition to force the attorney to deal with you. Don’t be fooled by the David and Goliath scenario here. If your Spouse has an attorney and you don’t, you are likely to lose BIG at trial. If you have not filed an Answer, then your Spouse’s attorney is technically not even required to give you notice of the final hearing since you are in “Default” (meaning you did not file an Answer).
2. DIY Divorce. If the Parties do the DIY route, and both Spouses filed the required paperwork, then both are protected. You can work on the paperwork together. If you have real estate or children, you will have to hire an attorney to prepare the Judgment (at least you do in Missouri). However, if both Parties have filed the required paperwork, then if something goes wrong and you do not have an agreement, one person is not in a better position that the other. The bottom line is that when this happens, you will likely have to hire an attorney anyway.
3. Mediation. A mediator is a person, normally an attorney or counselor, who has been trained to sit down with families and help them come up with a settlement of their family law case. You can use mediation at any stage of the case — even before you file for divorce. It is not uncommon that there are details of the settlement that are causing the Parties difficulty in finishing their case. Just like an attorney, a mediator can give you some ideas on ways they have seen people successfully conquer similar problems. Some mediators will even prepare the settlement documents for you and possibly your Judgment as well. If you have not already filed your Divorce, you can either DIY it or hire an attorney for a flat fee to do the rest of the paperwork and file everything with the Court.

The good news is there are ways to “Do Divorce Together”. The bad news is that no matter how much your Spouse seems like they are working with you, you SHOULD NOT trust that it will all be fine and how you wanted it to work out. The proof is in the Judgment filed with the Court.

Thinking about DIYing your Missouri Divorce, grab the first chapter of my book at https://diymissouridivorce.com/diydivorce-optin

Want to know more about me? Check out my website at https://carriesuedoxsee.com/meet-carrie-sue