Parental Alienation

Are you in hell with your Co-Parent?

I could give you a legal definition of parental alienation, but the reality is that it is more of a smell test — if it smells bad, you probably only see the tip of the iceberg of what is below the surface.

The picture up above is a good indicator… is the child clingy towards one of the Parents and all the sudden does not want anything to do with the you?

Is the child all the sudden afraid of one parent?

Does the Co-Parent come up with excuses as to why you can’t see your child?

If there are new allegations of how you are not a good parent.. it could be the start of getting on the roller coaster.

These symptoms are not an automatic indicator of parental alienation, but it might be the start of this journey. The hard part is that the top of the iceberg can be seen, but what is underneath the surface is hard to prove. The problem is that it may take a year before you can show a patter of behavior.

The saddest part is the Court may not hold the person responsible. In fact, it is super hard to prove. The person can miraculously do the right thing and the Court may not give the Co-Parent any additional parenting time.

So what is the Co-Parent to do?

There are wonderful Co-Parenting Coordinators. They have special training and can work with the Parents to continue to look forward. When they still can’t agree, the Co-Parent Coordinator can act as a referee and make decisions on the particular situation. There are some jurisdictions that don’t recognize or allow the Co-Parent Coordinator as they see it taking the power away from Judges to make legal determinations. However, it can help keep the Parties from running back to Court over an over again.

Another important step is using family counseling. This gives you a chance to talk things through with your child and make sure that they are aware of your point of view. Again, you need someone who specializes in parental alienation.

Try a Parallel Parenting approach. I will go into this more in a future article, but often giving the Parties the freedom to do their own thing when they are in their own home relieves a lot of pressure.

Keep the best records possible. I suggest that you have a Gmail account and use the Google Drive to keep track of all the denials of parenting time, words that are said to try to keep you away from your child, pictures, copies of texts, emails, etc. You will have to show a systematic approach to keep your child away from you or to destroy .

Use an online Parenting Tool such as Our Family Wizard or Apps Close. There are several out there but I like Our Family Wizard as you can give 3 Parties access to see the communications between the Parties.

There are tons of other great resources out there which can help with your Co-Parenting Relationship. Watch for additional articles from me on the approaches to deal with the toxic Co-Parent. At the end of the day, what is important is that you understand there is only so much you can do… in or out of Court. You still have to live your own life. You still have to do what you can to repair your relationship with your child. Sometimes, the only option is to go back to Court. If you do end up filing a Motion to Modify, you will want an attorney who specializes in these types of toxic Co-Parenting Relationships.