Should I DIY my Divorce in Missouri?

Getting divorced, don’t really have any property to split up, and wondering if you should represent yourself and file your case yourself without hiring an attorney? It all sounds so easy, but is it? This article talks a bit about if you should file your own divorce, file it and hire an attorney to help you with the things you might need, or just bite the bullet and hire someone either for a flat rate or on an hourly basis. How do you know what to do?

I have a free eBook to help Missouri residents who are thinking about DIYing their divorce. You can find the secrets, tips, and tricks to DIY your divorce at DIY Divorce Secrets. This article will be the Cliff Notes version to the information I provide in the book.

Ok, so I am an attorney who has been practicing in family law in Missouri since 1993. I have all types of fee arrangements depending on what the client might need. One thing that kept coming up as I was sitting at court watching people who tried to do this themselves — — they did not know the magic words to say so the Judge would sign their Judgment and they would legally obtain their divorce. Now of course, this does depend on which County you live in. Some Judges help Pro Se Litigants (those of you doing it without an attorney). Some Judges just tell you to begin your testimony. So I am sitting there watching these people with their eyes like deer in the headlights, frozen, everyone staring at them… you know the room has to be getting hot and they are starting to sweat… panic, fear, embarrassment… some emotion that is not positive is gripping them. Some just say “well I want to be divorced.” Others say a few of the things they need to say. Unfortunately, the result is normally the same — here is the new date for you to come back and try again.

I know these people are saying “wait a minute, I filled out all the forms on the website they told me to fill out. Why is this a problem? They told me I could do this myself.” This is the dirty little secret facing so many people in several counties out there where the Judge does what they are required to NOT do which is give legal advice. By helping you testify, they are giving legal advice. Now some Judges just do it anyway. How do you know what your County does? Well, first of all, divorce courts are open to the public. So you can go and watch what other people are doing. You can even watch attorneys with their client’s on the witness stand.

There only a handful of people that can do their divorce on their own assuming you have a cool Judge who will walk you through your testimony. Here are the questions you should ask yourself —

1. Do I know where my spouse is? You need to know where they live and/or work so they can receive the divorce papers. This is called service. If the spouse is cooperating, there is a form they can fill out to waive service. The problem is that most of the time the forms have people doing this together when they file the paperwork which has your spouse filing an Answer to your Petition. The problem is that this means if the Parties do not have an agreement as to how to divide the assets and debts, you will be required to do a trial rather than a default hearing.

DEFAULT HEARING: This is where the other Party has not filed any documents with the Court. Technically they cannot present evidence at a hearing so the Court deals with this as a basic 5–10 minute hearing where only 1 Party, the Plaintiff (person who filed the paperwork), tells the Judge all the magic words on the witness stand and, if you do it right, boom, you are divorced.

TRIAL: This allows BOTH Parties to put on evidence and tell the Judge how the assets and debts will be divided. This requires you to present evidence to the Court. There are formal procedures to doing this and you don’t get any breaks for trying to do this by yourself. You are required to follow the same rules as an attorney.

So what do you do if you do not know where your spouse is? The real question is if there is a way to find they somehow. You can use a Special Process Server to work with you to find them at a location and hand them the papers on the spot. You probably can’t do this by yourself and you will need an attorney’s help as there are special Motions that need to be filed with the Court and you may need helping finding someone to serve the papers. If you really don’t know where the person is (maybe they have even moved out of state), then you have to file by publication. This has an extra fee and it is published in the newspaper for 30 days. Again, you will need help from an attorney for this most likely. Plus, you can’t divide the assets and the debts. If your spouse is on your car, you can’t get them off the title.

If you have a spouse that cooperates, you will want them to sign an Affidavit of Service rather than an Answer if at all possible. This will allow you to do a quick and easy hearing without the bigger requirements of a bunch of evidence. If there is a chance you all may not agree, then you certainly don’t want them filing an Answer.

2. Do you own any real estate? If you do, the forms probably won’t work for you. The reason is that you will need to have the legal description as part of the divorce decree even if you owned the house prior to your marriage.

3. Do you need to split a retirement account? This requires a special Order called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) which is signed after your case is over. Not only do you need to hire an attorney to prepare this document, but it also requires specific language in the Judgment as well.

4. What happens if you have joint bills? If you have any financial obligations, you not only have to list who is required to pay the debts, but you want this listed in a specific way in your Judgment. If your spouse does not pay the bills they are Ordered to pay, you will have to come back to Court and ask the Judge to make they pay. The creditor can still come after you on any joint debts which includes medical bills of your spouse. Also, you can’t say that each Party will pay half. This seems fair, right? This goes back to the Court not being able to enforce the Judgment afterwards since there is no clarity on exactly how this will work. Again, this is part of needing to fill out the documents correctly when you file your case.

5. Do you have children? You are required to have a Parenting Plan and Form 14 Child Support Calculation completed and filed with the Court. While you may be able to attend mediation and see if the mediator might be able to prepare these documents for you, you still have to likely hire an attorney to do your Judgment.

So let’s just say you don’t run afoul of one of the 5 pitfalls above. You can get the files online and give it a go. Wouldn’t it be easier to just have a course that actually tells you everything you need to know from what documents you need to fill out, how to fill them out, other issues you may have in dividing assets and your lives, other documents you need to change title on your vehicle, and know the magic words to say on the witness stand? I am in the process of creating an online course for MISSOURI RESIDENTS to help make sure that you have everything you need, you know who to fill everything out, and you get a checklist and a video showing you exactly what you have to do on the witness stand.

Aren’t there other products out there to give you all the divorce papers and some may even file my case for me? Isn’t that enough? The problem is that the people who are charging you for documents normally are doing exactly what the FREE documents are you can get from the Court’s website. They don’t help you with testimony. There are a few that do a little bit more, but they don’t help you with some of the other practical parts of dividing your lives. Further, getting divorced is not just a legal thing — you have emotions about all of this. My course will help you with all the stuff you need to do to start leading your best life right after the divorce is over. I have all kinds of eBooks to help you up your game. Some of the eBooks I will offer as a free bonus is The Breakup Playlist, Reconcile or Move On, 100 Resume Tips, A Guide to Healthy Living, and I am working on a book talking about the financial side of divorce.

The good news is that if you do check off one of the 5 issues above that might require you to hire an attorney, you have a few options to lower your attorney fees.

1. Limited Scope Representation: This is like going to a restaurant and ordering all the things you want to eat separately. So maybe you need to order the fries since they don’t come with your sandwich and they you order dessert too. No value meal on this menu. The great part about this type of representation is YOU ONLY PAY FOR WHAT YOU NEED. So, let’s say everything is pretty simple but you do have real estate. You can hire the attorney to only draft the Judgment. They don’t have to come to Court with you. Plus they can charge you less as they do not have the legal obligation to make sure that all your property and debts are listed, and do any type of due diligence about your case. They just draft the document. You can do this to have the attorney prepared the Parenting Plan and Form 14 as well as the Judgment. Again, you have the agreement 100% completed and they are just drafting the document.
2. Mediation: This is an attorney or counselor who has been trained to sit down with people going through a family law case and help them agree on all the issues. Each Party will pay 1/2 of the charges and normally this is booked for a 2 hour session with the option of additional time if needed. Mediation is help in negotiating your agreement. If the mediator is an attorney, they MAY offer the option to draft documents for you for an extra charge. Even if the Mediator does not draft documents for you, you can use the Limited Scope Option mentioned above for an attorney to draft up the papers based on the agreement.
3. Flat Fee: This is where the attorney charges you one amount and no more so long as the case remains uncontested. They normally charge you an attorney fee and have you pay the filing fee separately. The best part about a flat fee is you don’t have to worry about anything so long as there is no disagreement from your spouse. You just do your homework for the attorney and let them take care of the rest. The only thing left is to go to Court and testify with the attorney asking you all the questions so there is not a problem with getting the Judgement signed. Wam bam thank you mam!
4. Hourly Fees. If your case is more complicated or you don’t have an agreement with your spouse, the attorney will charge you hourly for their service and their Paralegal’s services. Sometimes it is not expensive if your spouse does not fuss too much or does not file any papers with the Court. Other times there is a huge expensive if the case is pretty ugly. You will be required to pay a fee up front and continue to keep your trust balance (kind of like a savings account to make sure you can pay your bill) at a certain level.

If you would like more information about How to Hire the Right Attorney, you can get my free eBook on my website at www.lawinkc.com.

While this piece gave you a taste on what it is like to file your own case and even if you can, sometimes the question becomes — should I? a DIY option is perfect for people who have little assets, have not been married very long, and maybe no joint debts (other than maybe a car payment). If this is you, I encourage you that you can do it IF YOU GET A LITTLE BIT OF HELP. You don’t have to hire an attorney and pay thousands of dollars. You should be able to do this for hundreds instead. I would tell you that there are some pitfalls along the way and it is a good idea to find out a bit more than just what papers you should file. All this is do-able!

The reason I am working on my course is that I was tired to seeing people who should not need to pay money to an attorney struggling up on the witness stand. It is hard to watch and no fun to go through for sure. I also hated seeing tons of clients coming in who put off getting their divorce because of not having the funds to do it only to have a child with someone else and now the divorce is SUPER expensive since you have two guys involved in the divorce so you can make a legal determination about who the father is. (So many people fight with me over this because the real dad is on the birth certificate. This is NOT enough). So, let’s get you divorced so you can move on with your life. I want you to be happy and live out your dreams to the fullest.

Wishing you the best at trying this yourself — be brave if I said it was the right move for you, but don’t forget to get the little bit of help you need to make sure you crush it at the final hearing.