What Do I Do If I Don’t Know The Baby Is Mine?
The relationship “politics” of finding out if you are the dad.
The world has changed. More an more people are foregoing the marriage thing. While the morals of the country may be a bit looser than 10 year ago, the law has not really caught up. First, you have to figure out if you are the dad — paternity testing — and then you have to file a Paternity case to establish your legal rights EVEN IF you are on the birth certificate.
Here is where things get dicey…
If you are not 100% sure you are the father, what do you do?
Even bringing up testing can cause a huge argument and now the problem is that you might be out in the cold… literally… kicked out of the process completely.
How soon can you do a Paternity Test?
The good news is that you can get paternity testing done as early as 12 weeks into the pregnancy.
Can you do a Paternity test without the other Parent knowing?
If it is for your personal use, then the answer is yes. You can use a private DNA test. This is not admissible in Court.
Unfortunately, if you want to have a court or the State make a determination of Paternity, this is not possible unless you can do the Mother’s parents or siblings who might be willing to consent.
What if Mother won’t consent and you want it for legal purposes?
Legally, you can get testing done after you file a Paternity case with the Court. This does not require the consent of Mother.
Will a DNA test be done if the Mother asks for State assistance or requests child support?
If the Mom goes through the State for anything… health insurance for her or the baby, Food Stamps, or any other State financial benefit, the State will move forward to determine child support to be paid by the Father. As part of this process, you can ask that a Paternity test be completed at no cost to you.
So what are the best at home paternity test?
My Google search came up with some options…
- Test Me DNA: https://testmedna.com/home-dna-paternity-testing/ . They say they have 99% accuracy rates. Cost $179. Court approved is $349
- My Forever DNA: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01FSUSIKA/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01FSUSIKA&SubscriptionId=&linkCode=as2&tag=bestprodtag79626-20 Cost $120. Does not say it is court approved results.
- STK’s Paternity Testing: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005Y34OKA/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B005Y34OKA&SubscriptionId=&linkCode=as2&tag=bestprodtag79626-20 Cost $99. Not approved for court.
- Paternity Depot: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01I5M2BGU/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01I5M2BGU&SubscriptionId=&linkCode=as2&tag=bestprodtag79626-20 Will have to check price.
You can also do testing at a local lab as well. The costs seem to be similar; however, you will have to be able to take the child with you or have Mom’s consent for pre-natal testing.
Do I care if the paternity test is admissible in court?
Maybe. This completely depends on if you use this for your own knowledge and to feel comfortable signing the Affidavit of Paternity or if you might have some issues with Mother allowing you to put your name on the birth certificate.
The issue with having a test that is not admissible is that you may have to have a second test done if all the sudden Mom is not allowing you to be part of the child’s life. Things may seem like they will be ok, but it is not unusual after the child is born that a mother feels extra protective and worried that you might try to take the baby from her (even if you have never said anything remotely like to her). It could be that someone gets in her ear to frighten her. It could be the hormones. It could be a million things.
Why else might you care?
If you are not on the birth certificate and you try to take the child for some parenting time, Mom could try to make some kidnapping allegations against you.
The Court won’t grant you visitation UNTIL there is an admissible test showing you are dad. This can keep you from having any contact with your child.
How can I ask the Mother for a Paternity Test without getting in the dog house?
The bottom line is that this is the first step down the Road of Co-Parenting. You have to have hard conversations when you choose to go around the traditional marriage route. Be honest. Be compassionate. Set boundaries. This is for the benefit of all parties… Mother, child, grandparents, siblings, and you. This decision impacts a lot of people and with positive results, you will be able to quiet all the naysayers and move on to live your lives as two parents who are committed to loving your child.
This may be your boundary to help financially support this child. This might be your boundary to be in the child’s life as a parent. Whatever your reason, do your best not to make demands. Ask what she thinks. Ask if it would make her family feel more comfortable accepting you.
If the Mother does consent, then you should show your appreciation. Set a good pattern of communication that will last far into the future. If this is your child, you two will have a lifetime to work together for what is best for this child. The more you start learning how to cooperate from the start, the easier it will be once bigger decisions need to be made.
Tomorrow we will go over why it is so important to have a Paternity determination through the Court.
PS…Don’t forget to follow me for additional information on Paternity and other legal topics. My goal is to provide helpful legal educational articles so you can live your best life! In this case, so you can live your best life with your child!!!
If you know you need to hire an attorney to assist you with protecting your legal rights, I have a great free resource to help you learn the secrets of hiring the right attorney. It is totally free! To grab your copy, go to https://lawinkc.com/secrets-to-hiring-the-right-attorney
