What Does Garth Brooks Show Us About Divorce?
Music theme songs make a difference getting through your divorce!
Last night I checked something off my bucket list…
Garth Brooks live in concert.
It was by far the best concert I have seen EVER!
I have been a huge fan ever since I went to law school in Tulsa, OK. I mean, you can’t live in Tulsa for 3 years and not fall in love with Country music.
And if you have ever been through a divorce, “Friends In Low Places” may have been one of your theme songs.
Let’s face it, if your Ex (or soon to be Ex) was a cheater, like mine, you may fantasize about getting to tell them to KYA like in the “Friends In Low Places” song (3rd verse of course).
Hey I didn’t mean to cause a big scene
Just wait ’til I’ve finished this glass
Then sweet little lady
I’ll head back to the bar
And you can kiss my ass!
The one thing that gets you through your divorce is your friends. Family helps, but those friends in low places are your rocks. The hard part is that not all your friendships will survive your split. The ones who do will become much stronger relationships. I promise you, you will make new ones along the way that will amazing relationships. There is nothing like a divorce to help you remember to value friendships, be open, and take care of each other!
If you were really feeling crazy mad, you may have opted for the “Mamas In The Graveyard, Papas In The Pen”
Well, it was bound to happen and one night it did
Papa came home and it was just us kids
He had a dozen roses and a bottle of wine
If he was lookin’ to surprise us, he was doin’ fine
I heard him cry for mama up and down the hall
Then I heard a bottle break against the bedroom wall
That old diesel engine made an eerie sound
When Papa fired it up and headed into town
Well, the picture in the paper showed the scene real well
Papa’s rig was buried in the local motel
The desk clerk said he saw it all real clear
He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears
Ok, the divorce attorney in me reminds you — do not let your emotions get the better of you. Your divorce is a very small slice of your life. Don’t do something you will regret and that will change things forever… especially if you have children. Sometimes something you way or do feels like a victory in the moment, but I promise you that it will impact your ability to look yourself in the mirror later on.
The other good one is “Thunder Rolls” (again… the long version).
She’s waiting by the window
When he pulls into the drive
She rushes out to hold him
Thankful he’s alive
But on the wind and rain
A strange new perfume blows
And the lightning flashes in her eyes
And he knows that she knows
The thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls
The thunder rolls
And the lightnin’ strikes
Another love grows cold
On a sleepless night
As the storm blows on
Out of control
Deep in her heart
The thunder rolls
She runs back down the hallway
And through the bedroom door
She reaches for the pistol
Kept in the dresser drawer
Tells the lady in mirror
He won’t do this again
’Cause tonight will be the last time
She’ll wonder where he’s been.
No matter how many times someone wants to use this type of temporary insanity as a defense (“fruits of passion”), you are still going to jail — maybe just not for as long. But I can’t deny that this little movie clip in your head is emotionally satisfying!
The hard part of divorce is that “No Fault” divorce is a thing, it goes as far as to seem like your Ex will have no consequences for their behavior. Everyone tells that they will get what they have coming to them. Unfortunately, most of the time, they just get away with it. You are the only one with any lasting consequences. As hard as it is, you just have to find the strength to get over it. It might take you awhile to figure that step out. Eventually, you will if you want to get past it. Don’t carry it around like Linus’s Blanket from “Snoopy”. Whether you know it or not, this emotional baggage is toxic and you need to fight it!
If you guys just drifted apart and ended up getting divorce, maybe you are opting more for something like “What’s She Doing Now”.
’Cause what she’s doin’ now is tearin’ me apart
Fillin’ up my mind and emptying my heart
I can hear her call each time the cold wind blows
And I wonder if she knows what she’s doin’ now.
When I went through my divorce, I was totally and completely crushed, eviscerated, destroyed. I lost a part of myself that, even after all these years, I have never been able to get back. Divorce changes you for sure.
The question is… How are you going to change?
Being angry and bitter is ok… for a little bit. After all, you earned. it. But now what? It’s time to move on with your life. What comes next?
Know what is cool about Garth Brooks? Although he does have some great hate-em songs, he has way more moving on songs.
Also, the cool thing about his concerts is that in his encore, he comes out and checks out people with a sign requesting a song and picks ones to sing. I actually had never heard this song… “Wolves”. Someone requested it as this song is what helped get them through cancer.
Lord, please shine a light of hope
On those of us who fall behind
And when we stumble in the snow
Could you help us up while there’s still timeWell, I don’t mean to be complainin’ Lord
You’ve always seen me through
And I know you got your reasons
For each and every thing you do
But tonight outside my window
There’s a lonesome, mournful sound
And I just can’t keep from thinkin’
‘Bout the ones the wolves pull downOh Lord, keep me from bein’
The one the wolves pull down
For sure, at the start of your divorce, you may feel this way. All you can do is pray for God to get you through. Maybe it is the emotional side. Maybe it is the financial side. They both are a hard reality of divorce.
The good thing is that time does change your perspective.
First you start off with the perspective of “When No One Is Around”
This is the man that nobody sees
He wears my old clothes and he looks just like me
Just one of the boys who gets lost in the crowd
He’s the man that I am when there’s no one around[Chorus] It’s four in the morning
I’m lyin’ in bed
A tape of my failures
Playin’ inside my head
It’s heartache and hard knocks
And things I don’t know
I listen and I wonder
Where will it goThis is the dance I do every day
I let my feet go and get carried away
I let my soul lead and follow the sound
It’s the dance that I do when there’s no one around
Sometimes it takes a moment to get out of the funk. It start feeling worthwhile. For me, my Ex told me my kids would be better off if I were dead. It took me a long time for that to stop playing in my head constantly on a loop. This is one of those comments that you truly never get over. Every once-in-a-while that old ghost comes to haunt me and I have to let it go. I promise you, this is only a phase of the divorce and it will only last as long as you allow it. I can’t tell you the magic formula to get past this other than to live your life, help others, and have as much fun as possible. Soon the new life takes over and you will start feeling like yourself again.
Starting over dating? Try “Learning To Live Again”
But I’m gonna smile my best smile
And I’m gonna laugh like it’s going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don’t see
That learning to live again is killing me.
Know when it starts to turn? When your theme is “Unanswered Prayers.”
She was the one that I’d wanted for all times
And each night I’d spend prayin’ that God would make her mine
And if he’d only grant me this wish I wished back then
I’d never ask for anything againShe was the one that I’d wanted for all times
And each night I’d spend prayin’ that God would make her mine
And if he’d only grant me this wish I wished back then
I’d never ask for anything again(chorus)
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when your talkin to the man of the upstairs
That just because he doen’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unswered prayers.She wasn’t quite the angel that i remembered in my dreams
And i could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes to it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn’t much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he’s doin’ after all.And as she walked away and i looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life.*chorus*
Some of God’s greatest gifts are all too often unswered…
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unswered prayers.
I have to admit, even when I received my blessing and met Todd Doxsee, I still felt like I had lost something and I was missing a part of my life. It is not because it was true, but it was because I had not fully let go. At some point that will happen too — you will switch over from seeing what you have lost before what you have gained and start seeing everything you have without even feeling the loss.
I know I have found the person that is never going to let anything happen to me no matter who he has to fight off. There is nothing that hurts him more than for me to be unhappy. We make each other better people. Not everyone gets our relationship. All that matters is that we know that God made us for each other. Where he has a weakness I have a strength. Then he takes up the slack for everything else that I am missing (which is a lot).
Soon you will see that you are fully healed. This one is a Christmas song (which I had also not heard before), “The Gift”.
Then a voice spoke to her through the darkness
Maria, what brings you to me
If the bird in the cage is your offering
Open the door and let me see
Though she trembled, she did as He asked her
And out of the cage the bird flew
Soaring up into the rafters
On a wing that had healed good as newJust then the midnight bells rang out
And the little bird started to sing
A song that no words could recapture
Whose beauty was fit for a king.
https://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/garth_brooks/the_gift-lyrics-49073.html
You are the bird. You will heal. I promise. When you do, you will be healed good as new — not just enough to move on, but without the wound. For some people this process is slow and for others it is fast. When it happens, it is on your time… but it will happen.
Know what is going to feel like when you get there?
I was feelin’ the blues,
I was watchin’ the news
When this fella came on the TV
He said that I’m tellin’ you,
That science has proven
That heartaches are healed by the sea
And that got me goin’ without even knowin’
And I packed right up and drove down
Now I’m on a role, and I swear to my soul
Tonight I’m gonna paint this town(chorus)
So Bring me Two Pina Colladas
I want one for each hand
Let’s set sail with Captain Morgan
or we’ll never leave dry land
Any troubles I’ve forgotten
I’ve buried them in the sand.
So bring me two Pina Colladas
She said goodbye to her good timing man.Now I’ve got to saying, that the wind and the waves
And the moon winkin’ down at me
Eases my mind, by leaving behind
The heartaches that love often brings
Now I’ve got a smile, that goes on for miles
With no inclination to roam
Now I’ve gotta say, that I thank God I stayed
Cause this is feeling more and more like home(chorus)
So Bring me Two Pina Colladas
I want one for each hand
Let’s set sail with Captain Morgan
or we’ll never leave dry land
Any troubles I’ve forgotten
I’ve buried them in the sand.
So bring me two Pina Colladas
She said goodbye to her good timing man.
Just like that… it will be buried in the sand… troubles forgotten…and happiness is back!
But that is not all… now you must live a fuller life. You can’t stand to sit back and not find what makes you happy. You have to live “Standing Outside The Fire.”
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fallWe call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exsist
And for that forsake it allThere so hell-bent on giving
Walking a wire
Convinced it’s not living
If you stand outside the fireStanding outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fireThere’s this love that is burning
Deep in my soul constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to glide higher and higher
I can’t abide standing outside the fire
So here you are… somewhere on this journey. I am not sure which song you are signing right now, but I know which ones are coming. You will live again. You will be happy again. And you know what? You will happier now than before. You will be a different person — a BETTER person. Take stock of who you are not and then make a plan to become the person you want to be.
So what is your plan? What do you want?
Do you want a whole change of scenery? Move. Different job.
Do you want to find a new passion? A hobby. Doing stuff you love like concerts, going to the beach… what would you make you happy?
Kick up your health. Going to the gym. Taking vitamins and supplements.
Finding new friends. People who have things in common with you. Golf or tennis league. Maybe Pickleball. Poker group.
Pets. Are you the dog or cat person? They add so much to your life and now you get to pick which ever pet makes you happy.
Work on yourself. Find your mentors. Find ways to improve on everything in your life. You won’t believe how much passion you will find for your life if you just go looking for it.
Remember how I said that there is a part of your life you feel like you never get back? Well this is true, for me at least. The silver lining on this is that you have the ability to totally become another person — a better version of yourself. You could not become this person without having gone through your divorce. It is the “Unanswered Prayers” blessing. God knew what He was doing after all.
It does not matter what you do. Just make your life fuller. Volunteer. Help others. Take care of your friends and make those relationships important. travel and see new things. Try new hobbies and find new passions. You can not only be a better person, but you will live a better life.
The theme songs of your life are going to change as you walk through this process. Just know that you can get to the point where you are “Living Outside The Fire”.
What more great resources as you walk through your divorce journey? Need other good resources about legal issues that impact your life? Come join me at https://carriesuedoxsee.com/meet-carrie-sue.
