Why Narcissist Dads Go For The Jugular…
How to protect yourself when your Co-Parent is out for blood…
As an attorney for almost 30 years, I have seen many narcissist men attempt to destroy the Co-Parent. They go after everything… all the money… all the parenting time… full custody. They make unfounded allegations just to get their way. They won’t compromise. They have an all out attack against the other Co-Parent.
Narcissist Dads would like nothing better than Mom being out of the picture if at all possible. They move out leaving their Co-Parent stranded without a place to live. If that means their children don’t have a place to live, they are fine with it. Why? It is their long term strategy to make Mom look like an unfit parent. Often they succeed because Mom does not have funds sufficient to establish a new residence. If Mom is lucky, she has family in the area or someone who can help her financially until she can get on her feet.
So what is Mom to do when she is all out attacked?
- Don’t try to point out their bad behavior. It is a complete waste of time.
- Forget the past and try to get them to focus on the future. What does Co-Parenting look like?
- Try to be proactive and not reactive. When you are in the heat of the moment and one the Narcissist’s traps, let emotion be set aside… focus on what you want, where you are going, and how you can bring choices to the table. If you bring emotion, they bring emotion in spades. You will not get them to care about your feelings so don’t try to explain how you feel. Try to stay factual if at all possible.
- Skip trying to give the insight into their behavior. Also a big waste of time and it is actually counter-productive.
When you are dealing with a Narcissist in Court, you have to be super careful to document their inability to Co-Parent while not looking like you are also a problem. Judge’s will assume the drama is coming from you both. You have an uphill battle showing that you have the business-like, child centered, approach and can work with the other Co-Parent.
There is some good news… most people that have a narcissist personality or a border-line personality may switch their target of blame from you to someone else as time goes by. I have seen this often… the case is over and within a year, the Parties are getting along pretty well. Why? Because the Co-Parent has found another thing to focus on and you are no longer the target of their blame and anger. Unfortunately, this does not happen with all cases. Sometimes this really is a life sentence.
It is my mission to bring the Co-Parent bullying to the center of attention in the Court system. The more the Judges will see how much these behaviors hurt the minor children, the more we might actually get the Narcissist a run for their money. If there are consequences for behaviors leveled by the Judge, this may finally put an end to “Run The Show” parenting.
High Conflict Co-Parents are beyond a bully… they go for blood. Remember, this is not a typical bully you just need to stand up to and they back down. Standing up to an High Conflict Co-Parent only magnifies the conflict. This does not mean that you need to let them get their way 100% of the time. You just need new tools to deal with them.
These cases are easily $30,000 even if they don’t need to be. So you should find a sources of additional cash, withdraw funds out of your 401K, get a personal loan (not a PayDay loan), get help from family, etc. Buckle up because it is going to be a rough ride.
Don’t have this kind of money?
The truth is you NEED an attorney. However, if you can’t afford one, you can use my DIY Divorce Secrets to at least protect yourself and force the case to go to trial.
Come check out this resource at https://diymissouridivorce.com/diydivorce-optin.
Don’t forget to keep following me on Medium to find out other helpful tricks, tips, and strategies to deal with your narcissist Co-Parent.
