Why The Court System Can’t Fix Your Narcissist Co-Parent
(and what to do about it)
Truth is, the Court system just can’t fix everything. They may want to help, but there may not be a way to fix your Co-Parent.
I see this all the time in Facebook groups geared towards helping people with narcissistic Co-Parents…
Can my Co-Parent really do that?
Your High Conflict Co-Parent (HCCP) can be a complete nightmare and there may not be much you can to to fix them. There is, however, something you can do to fix you.
What do you mean, fix me? I am not the problem?
It’s not always about who is the problem as much as it is — who is the solution.
Playing the blame game with the HCCP is not worth your time because it won’t get you anywhere. They will NEVER admit they did anything wrong because they can’t even see they are ANY part of the problem.
So what do you do? You are sick and tired to their shenanigans. Everything about them wears you out. Nothing you say or do seems to help.
I have this problem all the time with my clients. As an attorney it is so frustrating to see the Court system not help eliminate the behaviors of the HCCP. I have lost so much sleep over trying to figure out how to get Guardian Ad Litems to care and the Judges to give a punishment to curb the behavior. Why can’t we get some sort of resolution?
Here is a great example…
Modification case (meaning the second court case with the same family… sometimes the 14th)… Mom has a miscarriage and tells the child that Dad killed the baby because he was taking her to Court. Meanwhile, Mom is accusing Dad of hiring people to come and kill her and the son. There was 0% of domestic violence in their relationship and this was years after the separation with each Party being in a new relationship. In fact, Dad had no idea where any of this was coming from because they had been getting along so well Mom voluntarily had offered 50/50 without a court order before this craziness even started. Although Dad had been exercising 50/50 and Mom was clearly denying all parenting time and making all these crazy accusations which were clearly not true, the GAL did nothing whatsoever and my client spent a ton of money with no real results despite all our hard work. It was so bad that after the final hearing, Mom blatantly came up and did something to gloat of her victory right to my face. It was all I could do to be professional.
Now if you can prove a parent is a drunk or drug addict, the court cares. Everyone will say that this is a danger to the child.
Please tell me how the psychological damage from a High Conflict Co-Parent is not actually 10xs worse for a child.
So what is it about parental alienation that causes the Court to turn their head until maybe the 4th or 5th case?
I had one client that no joke was on his 14th case with continual parental alienation and now the Court was ready for a change of custody. She had moved at least 4 times without notification to Dad including out of state on at least 2 of those occasions.
In Missouri, the Court finally has come up with a less expensive way to enforce your Parenting Time and an attorney is not necessary to participate if that is all you want to do. So I guess it not fair to say that they don’t care at all. These are called Family Access Motions. The good news about the Family Access Motion is the Court keeps the case open for a period of time to make sure the behavior does not continue. This is not about punishing a Parent, it is about making sure a Parent receives their Court Ordered Parenting Time. I see it as an extension of the “No Fault” concept which shapes the Divorce Process.
So if you know the Court is shaped by the “No Fault” parameters in the court case, what can you do now?
The truth is, you can change what you are doing… how you are responding… how you are standing up for yourself… how you communicate with the HCCP to minimize the friction and conflict.
I am starting a series of book reviews to help provide you some amazing resources to help you change the dynamic even if your HCCP won’t do anything to change.
Don’t get caught up in “how is that fair?” I know your heart… if you are reading this you want a solution. I know you want a solution not just for you, but to make your child’s life better. Learning how to more effectively deal with a narcissistic/ high conflict personality type trickles down to your children and how they will deal with their parent.
I know this is going to be hard to hear —
You are part of the problem.
Not because you are a bad person, but because you just don’t have the tools to deal with this HCCP. This is not a natural thing to do and there is no way for you to automatically react in the specific way required for a person who does not care about your feelings, your rights, or complying with the Court Order.
Make sure to follow me so you don’t miss out on the amazing tools and resources I am going to share with you over the next few weeks. For more great content, you can also follow me at HIGH CONFLICT CUSTODY RESCUE on Facebook.
