Will My Kids Be Scarred For Life If I Divorce?
Breaking the bonds that are holding you back from filing for divorce- my kids.
I am not going to sugar coat this… divorce is hard on kids. They all say “kids are resilient”, but is that really true?
Lots of people stay in their marriage just for their kids. In fact, I am filing a dismissal of a divorce action right now because the mom changed her mind when one of her children was struggling with this decision. I would never tell you that you should be divorced or you should stay in it for the kids. It is WAY more complicated and not a black and white issue.
If you read my article on Domestic Violence, you know that if you are in an unhealthy relationship it actually causes MORE damage to the children for you to stay. But you don’t need a reason quite so dramatic to know that staying in a bad marriage for the kids is not a great idea most of the time. Let’s consider a few points and questions …
What if you and your Spouse are openly fighting in front of your children?
A household full of negativity is not healthy for your child.
Living in a hostile environment hurts you kids in lots of ways. First, they can develop issues with anxiety and depression. If they cannot cope in this negative environment, then it can rise to an even bigger issue like thoughts of suicide. It will also negatively shape the view your child has on marriage.
The more you continue to engage in discord between the Parents, the less likely you can stay friends and have a healthy Co-Parenting relationship.
Being able to get along and work together is so important for your children. While staying married might help in the short term, what happens in the long term? Co-Parenting is all about the long game and it is vital for your children to have a healthy relationship with both Parents. The more you argue and cannot co-exist with your Ex, the harder it is for the kids to have a good relationship with either of you.
What are your kids saying about your marriage?
Often, I hear my clients say their older kids are telling them to go ahead and get divorced. Don’t believe me? They are sick of the arguing… the fighting… being in the middle… having to be the referee.
What are your family and friends saying about your marriage?
For most of us, hiding what is going on in our marriage is pretty normal. It is hard to admit there are issues and you don’t want your family to hate your Spouse. (it would kind of make family events a bit awkward, right?) If your family is the nosy type, they may have a lot to say about your marriage. Sometimes it is much easier to confide in a friend or co-worker. Maybe you are part of a Facebook group. What you don’t want to do is slip into an extra-marital relationship until way after your divorce is final. Don’t even put yourself in the position that it might happen. If you do, the Court may not care but the relationships with your children, your Spouse, friends, family… it will never be the same.
Available Resources.
If you are struggling to make this decision, I highly recommend my eBook “The Ultimate Breakup Playbook,” It walks you through the emotional, practical, and financial aspects of divorce… all the stuff your attorney does not tell you about (at least not without charging you a fortune). After 25+ years of being an attorney practicing family law and going through a crazy divorce myself, I finally found the time to write this amazing resource for people going through a divorce. I wrote it for the woman I was years and years ago who was completely heartbroken and unable to move forward after I found out my husband was cheating on me (and the whole town seemed to know before I did). I know it can help you to.
To grab a copy, go to https://legallifeguards.com/ultimate-break-up-guide-optin
Make sure to follow me as I will be adding new articles about children and divorce… all coming soon!
